Hey ya'll,
im totally dig'n on this life thing. i currently have almost no money to my name. im actually going to have to charge most of my classes and books to my credit card this quarter at Clark.......which is just awesome beacuse i so totally want to keep going there ....just as much as i want someone to kick me in the face.
i recently figured out with the help of my friend that i am an obessed with a girl. this is not cool becuse i dont want to be. so my reasoning is to give this over to God. even though i dont want to becuase she brings me so much joy in my life. however God should be the one doing this and not this girl. so i am from now on just not allow my self to think about that topic and just keep giving it over to God. his will be done.
i just recently quit my job becuase it was turing me into a blob of anger and hate. which i totally dont want to be. however in the process of getting rid of this problem.. it has now made a new problem by putting my self out of work. it now stands that i am not making an money at all. so i can pay off my credit card bill if i charge my classes to it.
i also found out that fafsa is going to suck for me. back in last year when i filed for it... the diffrence between what the fafsa could help with and that actual tutuion was 5,000+. this was ok for me. my parents dont support me so making 5,000 would be hard in a short amount of time but doable. i now fond out that my parents made 25,000 more than last year so i am wondering what the diffrence is going to be...plus i filled when i wasnt working last year....so this year i on top of my parents 25,000 i made 5.000 so a diffrence of 30,000 dollars in my fafsa. i dont even want to think about not goin to the college i long to go to. i really need this chance to go. i am hoping and raying that GOd will help me se what i am supposed to do in this situation.
i also feel totally disconected from my church in almost every way. the people i see and the pastors i talk to. it all seems like im a new person in the church. this is a horrible feeling to me beacuse there was a time were i was at church at 3'00 in the afternoon ad dint leave untill 9;30. i used to love being there more than anywhere in the whole world. now it seems like just a church. it is painfull to me to feel this way.
i really just want a job to get money. use the money on a car. use the car to go to church. go to church to become closer to od and with my pastors. with my stronger realationship with God begin the process of healing in my life on all areas and maturity. then becoming closer to being a man. eventually growing old with a wife that God has presented me with and then living the best life that i can ..using all that the lord has given me to golrify him in shouting his name to the world. ...somewhere in there i wish to go to school and work on my skill and psyche. ......................i know that there is so much more that i acan think of doin but i really wish for a simple life and simple problems. i just want to serve and be happy. i want to love God and what he wants me to do. figreing out of to do those things or just figureing out what those thigs are isnt always easy for me though.
i know i dont have really big problems or huge crisis but they seem big to me. i really just write to reflect so what ever.
chester clyde pepper III | 
